urban hermit

technology is driving me crazy

I've spent 3 hours trying to upload pictures off and on... sheesh off to supermarket.

posted by m @ 5:51 PM 0 Comments

Its gray and very cold and I've got an ear infection so I lay on my sofa this morning trying to put ear drops in (not as easy as it sounds) a blanket over me and Radio 4 on. Unfortuantly this week's Desert Island guest was Johnathan Miller. JM spent most of the 45 mins moaning how awful people were to him in his 70 years on earth. And any one who didn't appreciate JM was 'vulgar'. You would have thought that he'd spent the majority of his life tied down in basement eating wormeaten left over wormy potatoes instead of ...

'Jonathan Miller has been an influential and prolific force in British intellectual life since the 1960s. A writer, theatre and opera director and explainer of science to the public, he's had not one career, but several, and is seemingly capable of endlessly reinventing himself - as a scientist, a director, a television presenter, a writer, a film-maker and, more recently, a sculptor. Whilst still a medical student he received an invitation which changed the course of his life and career - to take part in a sketch show called Beyond the Fringe which was to go to the Edinburgh Festival. Jonathan was never to return to science full-time, as invitations to direct began to come in. He went on to become a leading theatre and opera director, celebrated for productions which included Tosca set in Mussolini's Italy and a mobster Rigoletto.This career alone would be regarded by many as more than sufficient, but Jonathan Miller combined it with making films and presenting television programmes. ' From the Radio 4 website.

Life has obviously given Jonathan a lot including the desire to make concrete scuptures but I'm afraid he had to moan about lacking the space for that too.

For F**K's sake yes you might have wanted even more of life but it might do you a bit of good to sit down and appreciate all that you did get.

~~
So here I am ear infection, headache, life doing its crazy course between rocks but I've had great experiences, created amazing things, met wonderful people, I have cool friends, I've got asprin in the kitchen, central heating, an unread novel from the library and even the ingredients to make apricot toffee pudding if I have the energy later. I also know I'll never be asked as a guest on Desert Island Disks with that twit Sue Lawley - another reason to celebrate if I didn't feel so billious.

posted by m @ 3:46 PM 0 Comments

Manley Beach Lomo 2004
Lomo Sydney 2004

posted by m @ 5:08 PM 0 Comments

I wish I could find my hotwater bottle

its started to snow in Leith. Explains why I've been feeling so cold all day. Late dinner and then off to bed to read another detective novel from the library.

posted by m @ 9:09 PM 0 Comments

Kind of sums up my life at the moment.
Lomo Sydney 2004

posted by m @ 8:38 PM 0 Comments

Big Questions No Answers on learning to use 'Hello' 

posted by m @ 8:54 PM 0 Comments

Unravelled

disconnected, trying to pull things together. Sigh... should stop and just give into TV/ radio vegging out. Instead tried to use Hello to upload photos to blogger but Hello doesn't seem to be working. Its dark now and as soon as its dark my desire to do anything pluments. I went out and posted some postcards about 4.30ish just as it was getting dark. Perishing cold. The first time out today. A 'friend' came for coffee and I made all the usual small talk, intense listening that I aways do. Perhaps this is why Ifeel so unravelled. I'm aware that I was putting on a good 'performance' for the role of friend rather than it being natural. I made banana/apple loaf and listened to the Archers.

What now? I should do the washing up left over from last night. I had a lovely evening Hendrix-Cat and Mr Hendrix-Cat came for dinner with S after rescheduling it from last week. It was very quiet but lovely to catch up and chat. I was able to pass on the real Hendricks Cat's christmas present (a cat blanket). Spicy Chicken cassoulet followed by chocolate pots was the menu.

Lots of left overs which I like - means less cooking.

Lots of people I know seem to be questioning at the begininng of the year perhaps it is natural. So I too question 'why blog'? Not sure if I've come up with an answer yet - I wondered if posting my pictures would have led me to another phase of blogging... however looks like it will be a while before I crack the vagaries of Hello.

posted by m @ 6:17 PM 0 Comments

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it...because what the world needs is people who have come alive" by Howard Thurman

posted by m @ 12:10 PM 0 Comments

Cooking properly

I had to meet someone about a project so went into town for 1pm. Good to have to get things done beforehand. Made me less tardy in the morning than I might have been.

Meeting eyeopening - we'd worked in an organization together 5 months before he told me several alarming things about what was going on while I was working there all of which entirely passed by me. I sometimes wonder when it comes to human interaction that I'm particularly dense. It also reminded me why I like temping as it means that you are less likely to get sucked into the politics of organisations.

However not all skanky office politics it turns out that a friend of this person has just been appointed the Lomo Ambassador for Scotland at which point I demanded to know why there wasn't one for the Independent Republic of Leith and put myself forward as candidate. I can put large piles of dodgy foreign chocolates on plates for social occasions if called for! Besides I need a job. My embassy will be small but cat friendly.

I came back from the meeting via St Johns Churchyard - cheered that the first snowdrops are flowering. I thought I might have to go and help out stuffing envelopes for the Urban Hermit's mother but the printer failed to produce the insert so I decided to cook properly. Kedgeree made with brown rice and mackerel followed by an apricot custard tart. I got the raisins for the kedgeree from a packet of mixed fruit and nut I got for christmas and I whizzed up the nuts to put into the short crust pastry and sprinkle on top. My phone went before I tried it out. It was my friend S from London as opposed to the friend S who despite being beaten up still hasn't gone to hospital to be checked out (men!). It was lovely to speak to her - my normal avenues of company have been removed since I decided to shake up my friendships. Now I have to deal with the consequences. Myself unadulterated.... no lodger currently and no cat though the Chavcat came visiting yesterday as I was going to the bank so I left him to it in the house and let him out on my return.

posted by m @ 10:11 PM 0 Comments

Library Heaven

When I was young and lived in apartheid South Africa there were only two places my mother would let me go alone. One was to the next street to visit my best friend Carol and the other was to the library. I would usually cycle down and take out Enid Blyton. I was a big Blyton fan and as I'm dyslexic and came to reading with difficulty I have a soft spot for her as without her seemingly exciting plots I never would have perservered with decyphering the symbols.

After coming to Scotland my passion for reading expanded expotentially. It was wet, I'm completely disinterested in healthy outdoor pursuits (because I'm SANE) and burying myself in a book was a excellent way to leave the misery of exile and outsiderdom.

I read so much that I ran out of books in the Blackhall Library junior section and had to get and adult ticket when I was 10. I then read a huge amount about the history of 19th Centuary Britain and Death in Venice because had been put into the teenage section by accident.

I last took out books in early 2004. I have a terrible habit of taking them out and not returning them and running up monsterous fines so I start buying them again on the grounds that it must be cheaper.

Anyway I'm delighted with my haul this evening which I realise would have cost me £60 to buy.

The River Cottage Year by Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall. Yummy photos and food. Though I should keep it out for a year so I can try the seasonally arranged recipies

A detective book by Donna Leon - I have a weakness for detective books. Something about disarraying the world and putting it to rights? Set in Venice I read one over the holidays - I could almost smell the canal.

A History of the Port of Leith - the place rather than the pub Peter goes to. I've lived here 5 years and my sense of history is rather sketchy.

The Gay Metropolis a history of New York which is fascinating and I've already read. Now you understand how I read my way through Blackhall Library Junior section. I devour books.

I now devour words online and I'm sometimes struck by a snobbism that 'reading books would be better'. I'm not sure. Both are escapes. So I lounged on the bed, read, failed to cook 'properly' and only roused myself when the phone rang.

posted by m @ 10:26 PM 0 Comments

Virgoes week

Who do you want to help? Who do you want to protect? Are you sure that, in trying so hard, you are not creating a hindrance? Some people need to learn their lessons the hard way. Some people will only grow and develop into wise human beings if they encounter the full consequences of their own actions - and reach their own fully personal decision to make amends. It's one thing to assist someone who truly wants support and is asking for support in the right way. It's quite another to be everyone else's mother. Watch where you draw the line, this week.

Jonathan Cainer

posted by m @ 12:52 PM 0 Comments

Dinner party cancelled

One guest Hendrix-cat sequestered to cat basket with cramps the other S beaten up yesterday evening walking back from the gym who had an encounter with a none too helpful policeman.

So I have the bliss of an empty evening ahead. Sark calls this the Joy of Cancelled Plans. I'm making bagels and soup. My friend A came around with boyfriend and removed 8 boxes of books that were living under my stairs (holding parties and generally carring on) after a year it was time they found a new billet...

Radio 4 burbling away.

Bagel recipe (from Claudia Roden's Complete Book of Jewish Cookery)

500g strong white flour (cake flour works but they do lie down in a flat sort of way)
1 tablespoon oil
1 tablespoon sugar
pinch of salt
1 small packet of dried yeast
1 egg ( or add more water)

mix

then add 250 g of lukewarm water. Test it with your finger or if too hot will kill yeast.

Mix in

Kneed for 6-10 mins until a smooth elastic lump.

Put oil on the lump

Put tea towl over bowl and leave to rise

Once doubled in size kneed for another 5 mins or so - shape into bagels and leave to rise again on trays with tea towels on them.

Once risen get a pot of boiling water. Drop in each bagel for a minute or so turningover. Dry on tea towels. Put in moderate oven for 15 mins. If feeling extravagant sprinkle sesame seeds on top before going into oven. There is nothing more yummy than bagel straight out of oven with butter melting into it.

posted by m @ 5:19 PM 0 Comments

Its very hard to change course - stop presenting yourself in one way and reveal another.

No I don't want to arrange social engangements two weeks in advance.
No I don't want to see you now.
No No No No

Attempts at honest conversations... this is where I am ... this is where I think we are... this is where I think we were.

Vague attempts at comprehension but in totality a rejection of what one is saying.

'We have to stop doing the things we know how to do in order to start doing the things we don't know how to do.' But nobody explains how to be between those two statements....

posted by m @ 2:02 PM 0 Comments

The bloody minded revolution

will be aided by this via London Underground Tube Blog.

posted by m @ 10:07 PM 0 Comments

New Year Resolutions

1. Get lemonade - finish Pimms
2. Become Bloody Minded and selfish
3. Find make up.
4. Stop looking after people (its time they did it themselves)* (see 2)
5. Go to London in Feb.
6. Cut off contact with anyone whose voice makes my heart sink when I'm on the phone or I feel 'duty bound' to call.
7. Work out how to live unencumberd by friends who seem more like the client list of a social worker/support worker for carers organisation.
8. Paint kitchen - something cheerful.
9. Take my photography more seriously - process films put online.
10. Go to a concert.
11. Work out some way to make a living.
12. Once done that work out way to keep some money for myself.
13. Buy new shoes.
14. Get haircut
15. Get over being so sad and bloody miserable.
16. Go to the cinema more.
17. Spend more time walking in Leith

more to come

* and in any case what are we saving them for exactly?

posted by m @ 9:46 PM 0 Comments

Hack Yourself

“I don't have time to write.” “I can't dance.” “I can't talk to new people.” “I'm not attractive.”
I hear this all the time. I always hear the people around me sabotaging themselves, drawing lines and borders and boxes around themselves.
To which I say, make the time; dance; just talk to people; be attractive!
Yes, again, it's simplistic of me to say that. But it's simplistic of you to so easily say what you cannot do!
We're excellent pattern-matchers. That's what the human mind does — it's a pattern-matching engine. So we look at ourselves, at our history, at our behaviors, and we draw straight lines between the points — we assume that just because we've done things a certain way in the past, we'll always do them that way in the future. If we've failed before, we'll always fail.
Screw that.
Surprise yourself. No — amaze yourself.
You don't have to keep doing the things you hate.

excepted from Bloodletters via Moleskeine

posted by m @ 9:28 PM 0 Comments

definitions

ur·ban ( P ) (ûrbn)adj.
Of, relating to, or located in a city.
Characteristic of the city or city life.
[Latin urbnus, from urbs, urb-, city.]

her·mit ( P ) (hûrmt)n.
A person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence; a recluse.
A spiced cookie made with molasses, raisins, and nuts.
[Middle English heremite, from Old French, from Medieval Latin hermta, from Late Latin ermta, from Greek ermts, from ermi, desert, from ermos, solitary.]

posted by m @ 9:09 PM 0 Comments