urban hermit

I want to write something which would be a solace. I got a message on my answerphone last night from a friend. She didn't say anything but I could hear her grief.
Grief - its so real. On Sunday I sat on a bus and wept as a wave of sadness bore down on me as I realised I would probably never see my grandmother again before she dies.
Meanwhile I sit in a hot and fetid office. Struggling and struggling to work out why my invoice and their invoice have such different figures. People wander in and out asking for things of other people in the office, phones ring and ring, anxious thoughts about x & y & z & b and why they haven't called back yet. A co-worker interrogates me about a database, who she asks will update it, when will it be updated. It takes all my energy to restrain myself from picking up the mobile phone box which lurks under my desk (I am to use the devil's instrument in my job in a time to be specified later) and throwing it at her while yelling I don't give a fuck. My train of thought as I try and understand where the discrepancy lies is broken. I later try and persuade her to leave the office at lunchtime. Oh the joy of being in the office alone!
Then I sit outside in a garden with a friend and a glass of wine and a man and two dogs walk past. The one wants a ball to be thrown and my friend obliges. I move awkwardly and spill the glass of wine. The other smaller dog - firmly on a lead (because she runs away) licks the wine off the grass.
Anyway in between the sheer aggravations of everyday office life I keep on getting secret and not so secret messages about what is real and important. And believe me baby it ain't filemaker databases.

posted by m @ 11:47 PM